Rewinding Memories.

———-

“I know its random, but i like your perfumes”

It’s amazing, a voicenote could magically release butterflies on my tummy.

That time even a hello stroke me for a moment

“Shall we go now?”

"Yup yippiiie!" answer me enthusiastically

It might a nervous or my anxiety taking over 

I keep talking about all the things happened while inside my head keep thinking of hope you didn’t leave me hanging in silence

I wish you never felt this

Being so loved yet hated at the same time

Being so safe yet insecure at the same time

Being so happy yet sad at the same time

Its all ambivalence

Its confusing why you can’t see perspective on my head 

while you’re the one who always on my head?

Just like a Gemini, yes, you are,

has 2 different characters even me couldn’t guess when is one or another might appear to the surface

I know i'm not finished with myself,

i shouldn’t love you while i couldn’t even love myself first. 

I tried to make it up, but your sudden come speechlessly fulfill my whole

Like whenever you said “its okay, you’re safe with me” while hugging me

and tears burst out through i keep saying :

“you’re not supposed to. I'm gonna need you more and keep clinging, its not fair for you"

you hugged me even tighter and said "it's okay, you can be yourself with me" 

I love when you get out from your white car just to see me taking a faster step

saying hi with a brightest smile on my face

calling your name in a high pitch upon happiness that will happen today

waiting for you to open the door

I sit there, excitedly, “where do we go?”

You saw me with a warm smile of yours, saying “how are you feeling today?” 

or the time you said “i like your necklace, it match your outfit” in our first date.

“Do you wanna come with me?”

You asked me so many times, yet me, myself, always saying the same answer : 

“No i dont.. i can’t, why you’re not the one who come with me instead?”

Well, even with a help of 2 Gods can’t brought us together so we need to let it go

Just like the sun is changing shift with the moon

And the moon changing his phase

They had their own certainty that not even the same

Same goes to us, it become more clear as the time passing by that we’re a different brick of puzzles

Like its fitted, but we’re not supposed to be installed together, 

yours with your incredible Van Gogh art, meanwhile me, with an edgy random pinterest flower garden

Could you even catch the difference now?

So here we are, distance, but keep hurting each other inside. 

Andin, 23rd June 2023