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Blue moon shines brightly outside, yet my eyes refuse to shut down. Loosing track of time, getting palsy-walsy with the sound of crickets making an orchestra. Oh its actually not so noisy, turns out it was on my head that still busy inside making noises i couldn’t tell one by one. Maybe i need someone to talk, and my mirror reflection could be the best option so far. Longing to have a chance to see verisimilitude of myself that i never met.
I might let my ego out too freely so i become insouciant. While some other time, i’m drowning to a reverie in the middle of convos. I don’t understand how i could hate to talk so much, while in fact i do talk unnecessary things a lot and being so self-centered human being. Then left with pervasively lassitude in every single end of the day. The weight of tiredness piling up the shoulders, even day off couldn’t dispel. Repeatedly, turned into 2AM tears that crawling on my cheek to my pillow.
Decoding my own feeling never be my strong suit. It does harder than telling the taste of a sugarcane. I wish i could pour my feeling out like pouring a cup of coffee so you could have a taste what its like. But you don’t like coffee. Most importantly, what is the needs for you to taste it anyway?
oh no, not now, the cycle of those episode has come.
The inner shemozzle screaming out loud seeking for a helve to reach with a shaking hands, yet it still unreachable, so i relying on my feet. No no, i'm not trying to look like the most miserable person on earth. It's not. But i do really hope no one could ever feel this way. Try to calm myself down to the point its all silence. Either all black or all numb or maybe red. Just like the night when they lost their moon or the day when the sun hiding behind the grey cloud. ‘Till i reached the equanimity.
- Andin, September 1st, 2023
